Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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