she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
