I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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