So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
