I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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