she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
