I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
