Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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