you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
