Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
