apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
