Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
