Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
