I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
