Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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