it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
