The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
