You made me cry and you don't even care
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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