You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
