Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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