Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
