PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
