Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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