thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And then my night got REAL pukey
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
