we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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