Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
