just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
