shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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