i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
