just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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