Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
