Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
