just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
pop tarts are not kleenex
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
