A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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