trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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