woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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