as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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