at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
