Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
