My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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