How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
