She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
