sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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