I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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