I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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