literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
