i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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