Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
