how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
