he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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