I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
