Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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