I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
