I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Your penis caused this!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
